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Oh, Man! Oh, Woman! Oh, God!- A Zany look a scripture #2

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Who was that dude over there? Why was he naked? And also, where are we?

You have lots of questions, my boy! And I will now answer. God said, "Let us make--

Uncle P.!

What? Oh, I said the G word again, didn't I? Well, you see Jacob, that name is either good or bad depending on how you use it, which is something mom forgot tell you. I am using the word the good way, so can I use it now?

Well, as long and you only use it in the good way I guess it's ok.

Alright, so let me get back to my story. God said, "Let us make human beings in our image." And so he did, and that's who Adam was, the first man. Then he brought all of the animals he created to Adam, he even gave them names! However, none of them were just right for the man, so God created Eve for him, the first woman!

Does that mean... she was a girl?

Yup!

Eww! Girls are gross, why would God make a girl? I can't stand the sight of them!

Give ya a couple more years and you won't be able to look away.

What!?

N…

Let There Be Light- A Zany Look at Scripture #1

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"In the beginning the Lord created the heavens and the earth. The earth was--" Hey, I have an idea. Jacob, would you go turn off the lights for this part?

What? Why?
Do it, it'll be cool.
Ok, Uncle P.
Alright, when I say the word "light," turn on the lights
Aight.
"The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of the Lord was hovering over the surface of the waters. Then, The Lord said 'Let there be light.'" Woah! Where are we?
We are witnessing the creation of the world. Look around you, and don't blink! Time is moving very quickly. 
Woah, where is all of the the water going?
It's all flowing into place to form seas and so land may appear. 
How does it do that? 
It happened because The Lord said it!
Wow, I wish I could do that. Could I say I'll get all of the Happy Meals I want if I just say so?
Well no, but right now food does not exist anyway so I hope your mom gave ya a good breakfast.
No way! I…

Prelude - Zany Look Into Scripture #0

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Hey Uncle Prayor?

Eh kiddo! Call me Uncle P. !

Eh.. ok. What are you reading?

I'm reading that 'ol story of how Moses defeated Pharaoh in Egypt again! God Really gave that boy a good whoopin'!

Mom says I can't use that word.

What did I say? Which one?

The G word.

Oh, I see. Well then, let's not use the G word them. Let's call Him, oh let's see, Daddy?

But I already call dad "daddy"!

Ok, well let's call Him, ah that's it, Lord.

Lord has a lot of names. I only have one name. lots of boys at school are named it too.

And what's that, my boy?

Jacob.

And do you know why are have that name?

Mom and dad gave it to me.

Haha, well that, but there is another reason. See this book here? It's filled will amassing stories- true ones too! And one of them is of someone named Jacob.

What is the book called.

The Bible!

The Bible?

The Bible.

I used to go to church and they would talk about The Bible, but some kids told me it was old and stupid, and then we sto…

First Disciples- A Zany Look at Matthew Chapter 4 (Part 3)

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People must have thought this guy was crazy! He uses a lot of big words and stuff like "repent" and "Kingdom". I'm not sure if I like it. Who is going to follow a guy who does all that crazy talk?

I'll tell you who followed him. When Jesus was taking a walk on the beach, he saw two brothers named Peter and Andrew who were fishing. Jesus saw them and was like "Hey, come with me fish for people instead!"

Fish for people? Ew! What does that mean?

It means that Jesus is going to teach them how to find more people to follow Jesus.

Why can't Jesus just do it himself?

Jesus needs people to take on the duty of growing his ministry after he had left.

So Jesus still needed more followers, a little farther up the shore he found James and John fixing their fishing nets with their dad, but immediately as the brothers heard Jesus calling to them- Whoosh! They left their father in the dust and Jesus had two more disciples!

Disciples?

The Disciples were the peopl…

The Ministry Begins- A Zany Looks at Matthew Chapter 4 (Part 2)

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Some time after the devil left after tempting Jesus, He heard that John, the guy that baptized him, got arrested.

What? No way! I thought John was a good guy!

He was, but there were mean people didn't like what he was saying, so some people who thought they were doing good arrested him. In other words, it wasn't his fault.

When Jesus heard this had happened, he left Judea and returned to the place where he grew up, Galilee. He first went to his hometown Nazareth, then moved to Capernaum. From then on he began to preach "Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near."

Hey, that's the same thing that John said!

It sure was, and that was only the beginning of his ministry.

Tempting of Jesus- A Zany Look at Matthew Chapter 4 (Part 1)

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I have a confession. Right now, as I am writing this, I am tempted. I am hungry, and the last two days as soon as I got home from school and after I finish blogging I stuffed my face with cookies and chips until I couldn't eat anymore. And I tell you, it was bad. But now I am sticking with God on this one, and will wait until after dinner for desert.

So, what does that have to do with Jesus?

Well, after Jesus was baptized by John, the Spirit led him into the wild. When he was in the wilderness, he didn't use any of his Jesus powers to make himself food, so he got very hungry. Then the Devil showed up.

Watch you language!

No, I mean he actually showed up! He tempted Jesus by trying to tell him to turn rocks into bread to eat!

What's wrong with that? I'm pretty sure somewhere in there Jesus made bread out of nothing, or out of other bread or whatever.

He did later, but this time is different. Jesus said to him,

"No! For the Scriptures say, 'People do not live by bre…

John Prepares the Way- A Zany Look at Matthew Chapter 3

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Wow, things have been crazy so far! Let's recap, shall we? So, we had Angels invading dreams, super babies being born, angry killer kings, and GPS stars! This is one exciting adventure! Let's continue with this wagon train, shall we?

There was this man called John the Baptist.

Wait, John? Who is this John guy? I thought this was a story about baby Jesus! 

Well, we'll get back to Jesus in a moment. So John the baptist came into the wilderness to begin his preaching. He preached "Repent of your sins for the kingdom of Heaven is near!" And well, it made sense because it was-- I mean actually it still is near. People came from all over the country to see John.

But why do I have to repent of my sins if Heaven is near? Why did they all go so far to see John if Heaven is close by? Can't just I walk there if it's close by? Can I stop by there on my way to McDonalds? To me that's what I call near.

John was preparing the way for Jesus by baptising people with wate…